It was a burning July day. I was out in the front yard, admiring my garden at the peak of its glory. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted it: a yellow swallowtail drifting through the heavy air; tissue paper thin, delicate but so powerfully beautiful. I ran, down the steps and a sharp left turn, to where the butterfly had alighted on the branch of a shrub. I leaned close, so filled with je ne sais pas le mot pour ça. I was overwhelmed. Only a single sigh escaped my lips, but even that was enough to startle my dainty companion.
The butterfly leapt into the air above my home, so far from the wide-open, softly accented, heart-wrenchingly beautiful country where we first met. It climbed a breeze as if it were a steep ladder, off into the sky.
2 comments:
Wow, that is beautifully written. I love the last line, and the "must have fallen in love with me too, because it packed a tiny suitcase..." Very nice.
I would connect the first sentence of the second paragraph though; I find it a bit too choppy. Maybe to something like: "On a burning July day I was out in the front yard,..."
Also in the second paragraph I would change the comma in the third sentence to an and. "...tissue paper thin and delicate..."
Beautiful, Jackie. I would like to see you using semi colons a bit more instead of commas. You are trying to avoid the pesky, but handy dash; I commend you for that; however, sometimes you need the trusty semi colon to make your melodious sentences even better. Your words are just so delicate. I always feel like I am tiptoeing through a meadow on a picnic when I read your writing.
Thanks!
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